Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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