summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize