Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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