actually, I'm a sock model
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
