I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
