Having a random hookup so left but love u
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize