Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
