I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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