i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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