does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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