Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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