; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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