Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize