He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
