I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
