Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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