It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
