I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
