I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
