i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
