Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize