I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
