Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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