Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
