Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
