bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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