it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
