One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
