Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
