I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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