Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
