I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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