I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
