the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
