By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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