I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
