the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
