They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
