I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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