While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
