The maid of honor just puked.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
