I met the friendliest cop last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize