i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
