Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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