remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize