did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize