He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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