The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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