Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
my liver is dry heaving
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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