need another drink. this is the easiest way
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
