dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you made out with another girl for some wings
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
try to milk me bitch
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
