I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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