everyone is single if you try hard enough
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
