i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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