its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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