names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
