I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
