You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
