why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
