Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
