id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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