clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
