wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
