my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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