I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
