the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
