Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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