It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize