My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
