It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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