she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
