it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
