have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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