i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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