So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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