I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
