Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
