I think my fart just growled at me.
Just cropdusted the office
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
