Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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