Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
