waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
