Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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