don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've blown a few things in my day
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
