meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
