Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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