I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
