I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
