I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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