I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize