last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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