Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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