Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
