i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
