I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
