There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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