So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
