I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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