umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You are a genius and a whore.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
