Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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