i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
