I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
