i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
even my farts smell like vagina
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
