Screwed.edu
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize