does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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