go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
