I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize