I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
