if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
