how can u be prego again
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
