I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
