I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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