Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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