my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I understand Curling. That high.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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