my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
