i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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