I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize